Thursday, October 15, 2009

Infidelity: Is It Always a Deal Breaker?

Can a relationship that has undergone the turmoil of infidelity ever be saved? Although many people say that a relationship where one partner has cheated can never be saved, the truth is that it IS possible to salvage nearly any relationship when the partners have the desire to mend it by changing their attitudes, behaviors and actions.


Is it ever possible to get back together with your ex after you've cheated? Many people say that cheating is the death knell in any relationship, and the relationship is too broken ever to repair. In reality, nearly every relationship is savable if both parties agree that they want to work to salvage the relationship.

But how do you even begin to salvage a relationship that has been broken by cheating? The answer is that you must restore trust in your relationship by adjusting the attitudes, behaviors and actions that led up to the affair. What made you stray in the first place? Did you feel that your sex life with your ex was lacklustre? Did you feel neglected as she focused all her attention on her career, or on your children? Did she let her personal grooming and appearance go to the point that she was just not attractive to you anymore?

You need to spend a lot of time in self-reflection to find the answers to these questions. Ultimately, there was something lacking in your relationship that led to your desire to cheat in the first place. If you had a perfect relationship, you wouldn't have strayed. But you did stray, and now if you want to repair your broken relationship, you must begin by restoring trust.

If you and your ex have agreed to try to salvage your broken relationship, restoring trust in each other is a gradual process that will not come easily. The best way to begin to restore trust in your relationship is by keeping small promises to your ex. Did you promise to call her on your lunch hour? Then follow through! Did you promise to take her to a movie after work on Friday? Then live up to your promise, even though it might be tempting to blow off the date to hang out with the guys and have a few cold ones. You need to do more than just talk about keeping your promises, you need to show her that you genuinely intend to work on repairing your relationship by taking action.

Your ex will need a lot of assurance that you have truly changed your ways. She will be paranoid that you will cheat again, and you will need to be patient with her. However, don't let her rub your nose in your indiscretion constantly. Use the affair as an opportunity for you to both grow and mature in your relationship, and rebuild a stronger relationship than before. You both need to act maturely, and make an honest and consistent effort in repairing your broken relationship to rebuild trust and love again.

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