When have just gone through a break up, things seem hopeless to you. You can't understand what happened to cause you to break up with your boyfriend, and you are in despair. Read on to learn four essential questions you need to ask yourself to learn how to make your relationship work again:
What went wrong with your ex-boyfriend-- what caused one or both of you to leave? If you once created a great relationship, but now everything has somehow managed to go south, don't worry! Yes, it is entirely possible to win your ex-boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of how to grow your relationship again.
There are four essential questions you must ask yourself if you want to learn how go get your ex-boyfriend back:
- Is the reason you broke up even worth all the drama and attention you've been giving to it? - Is it even appropriate to argue about this reason at this point? - What would the outcome be if you won this argument, or is it more productive to forget the argument and move on? - Is this an issue worth arguing about in the first place?
If you can answer "no" to any of the above questions, you need to stop with the drama and let it go. Many relationships break up over arguments that are unproductive and unnecessary. If you both can forget trying to be the winner, trying to be right all the time in an argument you have taken the first step in rekindling your relationship. Too many times break ups occur because of frivolous arguments that really solve nothing in the long term.
The next step, and maybe the most important one, in learning how to get your ex- boyfriend back is that you need to stop constantly worrying about how you are being perceived. Instead of letting true intimacy into our relationships, we fall back on playing a role. Instead of being ourselves, we obsess about our looks, or about being too serious, or coming off as being stupid or overly intelligent. Be your authentic self, stop pretending to be someone you're not. For example, if you are a "girly girl" who loves dresses and heels, stop trying to impress him with your non-existent knowledge of carburetors. If you want a relationship that lasts, you've got to be who you are, not who you think he wants you to be.
If you are very emotional, and highly volatile at this time, you must emotionally and mentally distance yourself from your ex at this time. This may seem counter intuitive if you want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend, but when you mentally and emotionally remove yourself the tension, the stress involved with the relationship vanishes. When you are both calm and in a relaxed state of mind, you can begin to take the steps necessary to analyze what went wrong in the relationship without emotions boiling over. During this time of reflection, calming and mental distance from your ex, it's important to stay in contact and maintain positive communication, but remove volatile emotions from your conversations.
This time of distancing yourself from your ex-boyfriend creates clarity where you both can analyze the reasons for breaking up. When you have created some distance, you lose the stubbornness and over-emotional reactions that may have contributed to the break up in the first place. Now, you can sit down together and communicate a solution to your relationship problems to each other.
Patience and civility is what you must strive for. Many breakups can be undone if you and your ex- boyfriend can talk things through calmly and rationally, so this should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the relationship with an ex-boyfriend that you care deeply for.
What went wrong with your ex-boyfriend-- what caused one or both of you to leave? If you once created a great relationship, but now everything has somehow managed to go south, don't worry! Yes, it is entirely possible to win your ex-boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of how to grow your relationship again.
There are four essential questions you must ask yourself if you want to learn how go get your ex-boyfriend back:
- Is the reason you broke up even worth all the drama and attention you've been giving to it? - Is it even appropriate to argue about this reason at this point? - What would the outcome be if you won this argument, or is it more productive to forget the argument and move on? - Is this an issue worth arguing about in the first place?
If you can answer "no" to any of the above questions, you need to stop with the drama and let it go. Many relationships break up over arguments that are unproductive and unnecessary. If you both can forget trying to be the winner, trying to be right all the time in an argument you have taken the first step in rekindling your relationship. Too many times break ups occur because of frivolous arguments that really solve nothing in the long term.
The next step, and maybe the most important one, in learning how to get your ex- boyfriend back is that you need to stop constantly worrying about how you are being perceived. Instead of letting true intimacy into our relationships, we fall back on playing a role. Instead of being ourselves, we obsess about our looks, or about being too serious, or coming off as being stupid or overly intelligent. Be your authentic self, stop pretending to be someone you're not. For example, if you are a "girly girl" who loves dresses and heels, stop trying to impress him with your non-existent knowledge of carburetors. If you want a relationship that lasts, you've got to be who you are, not who you think he wants you to be.
If you are very emotional, and highly volatile at this time, you must emotionally and mentally distance yourself from your ex at this time. This may seem counter intuitive if you want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend, but when you mentally and emotionally remove yourself the tension, the stress involved with the relationship vanishes. When you are both calm and in a relaxed state of mind, you can begin to take the steps necessary to analyze what went wrong in the relationship without emotions boiling over. During this time of reflection, calming and mental distance from your ex, it's important to stay in contact and maintain positive communication, but remove volatile emotions from your conversations.
This time of distancing yourself from your ex-boyfriend creates clarity where you both can analyze the reasons for breaking up. When you have created some distance, you lose the stubbornness and over-emotional reactions that may have contributed to the break up in the first place. Now, you can sit down together and communicate a solution to your relationship problems to each other.
Patience and civility is what you must strive for. Many breakups can be undone if you and your ex- boyfriend can talk things through calmly and rationally, so this should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the relationship with an ex-boyfriend that you care deeply for.
Jen Thomas writes on relationships at her blog Stay Together Now. Want to know more VITAL steps in winning your ex-boyfriend back? Then you owe it to yourself to check out the best dating advice site on the web! If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas
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I am NOT broken up with my boyfriend. But I do feel there is a strain in our relationship. I have backed off from any contact with him, just starting today. I have done too much initiating and know I must do this. I am way too emotional and have been obsessing. BUT how does one remain 'in contact' while simmering down as you said in this post, if the goal is no contact because you've overdone it? It seems like a contradiction - no contact, but remain in contact?! I'm confused...
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