Toxic Relationships: What They Are, and How to Deal With One

 You may have heard the term "toxic relationship" but not really understood what this means. In this article, I explain what a toxic relationship is, signs that you are in one, and what to do about it:


What is a toxic relationship? Just like the word "toxic" implies, it is an unhealthy relationship that is detrimental to your mental, spiritual and physical well-being. How can one tell if they are in a toxic relationship? Here are some very important clues that your relationship is toxic:

* Despite your partner's profession of their love for you, they verbally put you down in front of other people.

* Your partner attempts to control you-They call you constantly at work or at home to make sure you're "where you're supposed to be;" they intrude on your privacy by reading your mail or checking your phone messages; they constantly show up out-of-the-blue wherever you are to "check up" on you.

*You've changed your appearance or style of dressing solely to please them.

*They want to drive you everywhere you want to go, to make sure that "you get there OK."

*Your partner hits you, or sexually punishes you, telling you that "you made them do it."

*Your partner tries to isolate you from your friends and family.

The list of these toxic behaviors goes on and on. People who have never experienced being in a toxic relationship themselves cannot even imagine why anyone could allow themselves to stay in a relationship like this. But it is just not that simple.

Every toxic relationship goes through a cycle. The cycle follows the following pattern: There is an initial "honeymoon" phase where the new partner seems wonderful and anticipates your every need and want, followed by a cycle of escalating behavior where the new partner becomes increasingly critical of you and exhibits extreme paranoia surrounding your every move. This phase can, and often does, even culminate in physical abuse. After the toxic behavior reaches a peak, a reconciliation phase begins where the toxic partner acts contrite and apologizes for their behavior, promising it won't happen again. Unfortunately, it will happen again, as toxic relationships consistently display this pattern of honeymoon, escalation, abuse and reconciliation over and over again.

If you are in a toxic relationship, you may feel as if you have no one to turn to, and no way to get out. The first step in leaving a toxic relationship is to realize that you do have a choice whether or not to stay in the relationship. Often, the desire to leave is there, but low self-esteem is a side effect of this type of a relationship. You may be depressed, and feel that you are not worthy of love and respect. Never buy into a toxic partner's claim that all the problems in the relationship are your fault. You must stand up for yourself if you stay in the relationship, or learn to walk away from the relationship entirely. In fact, if there is physical abuse present in a relationship, you must leave it to get the help that you AND your partner need to be whole. 

Is there ever any chance that someone in a toxic relationship can change and form a healthy relationship? The answer is yes, although it may take a long period of separation and professional counseling. Sometimes these couples are able to heal the toxicity in their relationship and go on to happier lives with healthy relationship bonds. But, both parties must be totally sincere in their desire to heal the relationship, and ready to immediately walk away if their partner starts slipping back into their old habits.

If you think that you're in a toxic relationship, and are experiencing physical and/or mental abuse please seek immediate professional help from a counselor, physician, clergyperson or other trusted professional.

If your relationship hasn't deteriorated to this level, but you are in imminent danger of breaking up, or even divorcing, you need immediate help with your problems. Click here for immediate, downloadable advice that isn't necessarily conventional, but it is highly effective at repairing damaged relationships.

Keep Him Happy At Home

Ever wonder how to keep your man happy at home and prevent him from straying? It's not that tough! Men need to feel admired by their woman to feel loved! Read on to find out how you can stop your man from being seduced by the charms of another woman:

If your man has strayed into the arms of another woman, you are no doubt devastated, but also wondering why. When a man enters into an affair, it is seldom, if ever, all about sex. If a man is happy at home, he is far less tempted by another woman who flirts with him a little. The key to keeping your man happy and content at home? Give him your admiration!

Men thrive on keeping their women happy. When a woman displays consistent unhappiness about her life in general, her man feels like a failure. Why? The traditional role of a man is to provide for his wife and children, and whether or not his wife's unhappiness has anything at all to do with his ability to provide for his family, he feels like a failure if his wife is not content. When a woman consistently displays a dissatisfied attitude, a man begins to wonder where he has gone wrong. He begins to give up on the relationship. Soon, if his woman's attitude doesn't improve, he will begin to seek out one who will provide the ego-stroking that he needs.

When a woman is so pre-occupied with her own needs that she forgets to show admiration for her man, she is setting herself up for heartbreak. A man wants to feel that he is admired by his woman for his looks, for his brains, for his ability to provide a happy home for her. When he feels this way, he wants to do even greater things for his woman. How do you make a man feel admired and happy at home? Well, you don't have to buy him a Porsche, or anything extreme like that.

How about greeting him with a hug and a kiss when he comes home, instead of snapping at him that he forgot to pick up the dry cleaning again? Or tell him that he smells great when he gets out of the shower? How about telling him that the steak he barbecued for you last night was the best one you've ever eaten? Little things mean so much, yet we don't take the time to show our admiration and appreciation for those whom we love. If you don't take the time to express your admiration for your man in these small was, you are setting him up to fall all over the office flirt who giggles and tells him what a great presentation he just made.

The physical side of love is a very important aspect of showing your admiration for your man as well. Not just by having sex with him, but by showing your interest in what he is saying by lightly placing your hand on his arm while he speaks. Taking his hand while you are walking in public shows the world how proud you are of him, and how much you treasure his company. Hold him close and tell him that you love him as you doze off to sleep every night.

Let your man know how much you love and admire him on a regular basis. Of course, life gets us all down at times, but displaying a sour attitude every time he is around makes him vulnerable to the charms of other women. If he has already cheated on you, your relationship can be saved. The old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" just isn't true if you are both determined to get to the core of your problems.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships at her blog Stay Together Now. Even if you or your partner has cheated on the other, it's not too late to mend your broken relationship and be happy together again. For immediate help in salvaging your relationship, click here to instantly download the best, most practical advice you have ever read on saving your relationship.

The Bedrock of Any Relationship is Trust

 If there is no trust in your relationship, there is no relationship at all. Trust takes more than just words; trust takes action. Read on to learn the five most important ways that you can build trust in any relationship:


The bedrock of any relationship is trust. If there is no trust in your partner's words and actions, the relationship is in eminent danger of collapse. For the success of any long term relationship, whether it be dating or marriage, predictability is a keystone. In fact, predictability is one of the five most important ways that you can build trust in a relationship.Yes, this flies in the face of so many relationship experts with their advice to seek novelty in your relationship, constantly be looking for opportunities to spice things up, etc. For the success of any long term relationship, whether it be dating or marriage, predictability is a keystone.

Who wants to be involved with someone who's behavior is totally unpredictable? A constant hunt for variety and novelty in the relationship can quickly lead to mistrust, because soon the other partner begins to wonder if they are boring, thus fueling the constant search for variety. The common advice by relationship experts to always be looking for opportunities to spice things up can backfire in this case. This doesn't mean that taking your partner out to a new restaurant occasionally, or surprising them with a little gift is a bad thing. But reliability and consistency in your behavior is reassuring to your partner, and builds their trust in you.

If you are in the habit of keeping secrets from your partner, know that you are destroying your partner's trust. When you try and keep secrets from your partner, you are expending tremendous energy in covering up information that will more than likely come out sooner or later. This is energy that is being taken away from building your relationship. It's much better to come clean on your secrets and be honest in your relationship. You will feel much more at ease in the relationship by not having to constantly be guarding yourself, and your partner will be reassured that you are not hiding something from them.

Believe in your partner. If you convey that you don't think that they are a competent person, you will lose their trust. If they always feel second-guessed by you, and doubted, they will feel resentful and lose their trust in you. Not many of us would remain in a career situation where we are constantly second-guessed and made to feel incompetent, so why would anyone remain in a romantic relationship where these elements are present? Help them gain competency by offering constructive criticism on areas they need to improve on, but always praise any efforts at improvement.

Next, do your words match your body language? If your partner asks you if you are feeling okay, and you say yes in a surly tone of voice, with a scowl on your face, how believable are you? Body language and tone of voice are very important in building trust in a relationship. Your partner needs to be able to trust that what you say is true. Make an effort to make sure that your words match the message of your statements.You build trust in a relationship by making your partner feel that what you say is trustworthy.

Finally, to build trust in your relationship, let your partner know what your needs are. This doesn't give you a license to be a selfish person, but if you constantly suppress your own needs in the relationship, you will feel resentful towards your partner. The feeling of resentment will make you act out in ways that you don't intend. No one wants to have a partner who is a doormat. Assert your needs in the relationship in a loving, constructive manner. If you always acquiesce to your partner's needs, and anticipate their every little desire, they will begin to feel smothered in the relationship. Learn to sometimes say no. Your partner will respect you more for letting them know what you need instead of always giving in to them. Let your partner know what you need; don' t make them always guess.

Gaining trust in a relationship is hard won. To increase your partner's trust in you, act predictably and consistently, avoid keeping secrets, make your words match your body language, find ways to make your partner feel competent and communicate your needs to your partner in a loving manner. If you want to make your relationship work over the long haul, make a conscious effort to incorporate these factors into your daily life with your partner. If you have trust in each other, it will make other problems you encounter seem smaller.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships at Stay Together Now. Is your relationship rocky, and trusting in each other a major hurdle to staying together? For no-nonsense, common sense relationship advice, click here for information that could save your relationship. Nearly all relationships can be saved with the right advice; don't become a break up statistic!

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Communication Breakdown

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to a friend on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took them by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. A few cutting words from a loved one, hurt feelings, and a defensive retort that left both with regrets. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of soda, the lid off the juice, or newspapers not picked up. But to them, it represented something much deeper that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks until the frustration reached breaking point.

There was intense frustration at having to search for something when it is not where it was expected to be. Worse still when one person shifted it and the other didn't know the first place to begin searching.
Searching for that particular shirt or needles and thread, lost car keys, a document missing from a drawer, missing covers for the outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where the house had to be turned upside-down. A moment's thought or a supportive reply when these things were discussed would have saved a lot of time and frustration. And the answer that was received? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better!"

This off-hand comment characterized the undercurrent of misunderstanding and lack of compassion that had been running through the relationship for quite some time. One partner did the majority of the household chores and felt aggrieved that their efforts weren't recognized.

Praise or gratitude was not expected, but simple recognition was. Getting told that "I don’t expect you to tidy the house or cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by my friend as ingratitude, and hurt her even more.
So where to from here? My friend's partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas she felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about her trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my friend's efforts, and she in turn misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. My friend needed to be considered when things were not put back in their place. When two people live together it involves and adjustment in routines, habits, and attitudes. Some consideration of her feelings needed to be taken into account in order for the relationship to move forward.

There was a need to voice frustrations before they get to boiling point. What was needed was a commitment to talking about feelings more often, and in such a way that both partners could do so without judgment or consequence. Open communication was the key to their success, rather than suppressing feelings.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

They got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it serves as a good reminder to all. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A problem shared is a problem halved...
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Office Spouses: Don't Give Away The Intimacy That Belongs in Your Marriage

 The office spouse is a new phenomenon. An office spouse is a co-worker with whom you have a platonic relationship, but the relationship has many of the features of a real marriage, especially intimacy. Don't give away all your time and intimacy to an office spouse while neglecting your real-life spouse. Read on for the warning signs that you are doing just that:

With all the hours that we spend in the office every week, it's not surprising that the phenomenon of the "office spouse" has arisen. What is an office spouse? An office spouse is a co-worker of the opposite sex that one has an intensely close, yet platonic, relationship with. An office spouse is someone that you can rely on and have close camaraderie with; share inside jokes with; and someone who knows what you want to order in advance for lunch. There may be all the intimacy present in this relationship that should be present in a real marriage, and therein lies the trap-- are you giving the intimacy you should be devoting to your real-life spouse to your office spouse?

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted. Some may enter marriage with the thought that they will bail out at the first moment when the marriage hits a rough patch, but for most of us, marriage is for the long haul. Marriages have peaks and valleys when periods of intimacy are high between the partners, and also periods when intimacy can almost flat-line. It's easy for intimacy to dwindle with the demands of career, children, and aging parents taking precedence over the primary relationship with our spouse.

Marriages can deteriorate to the point where the partners are living in the same house as virtual strangers. Friends, TV, video games and endless trips to the mall replace the time we should be spending in conversation with our spouses. With the lack of intimacy in our marriages, it's no wonder that we seek a replacement in the form of the work spouse.

An office spouse is someone we feel safe with; we are comfortable enough with to point out that her lipstick is smeared or that his fly is open without a second thought. Whenever a new project is announced, we seek out our office spouse to get their feedback on which way to go with it. We conspire with them against the social climbers, and the slackers on the job. The danger in the relationship is not that we have a confidante at work, the danger is that when we begin thinking of this relationship more than we do the one with our real-life spouse.

Do you give your own husband or wife the time and effort that you put into your work spouse relationship? Do you seek out your real-life spouse for advice and support, or do you largely ignore them, merely grunting at each other when you pass in the hallway at home? Do you light up when your office spouse enters the room, but roll your eyes when the person you've been married to for the last fifteen years enters? If you find yourself in this situation, you are likely on the road to divorce court. Marriages need intimacy and firm commitment to each other, and if you let an office spouse capture the intimacy that should be directed towards your real life spouse, you are on very shaky ground.

Marriages can be saved despite a lack of emotional intimacy, and all efforts should go into saving them. Divorce wreaks a horrible toll on families, both emotionally and financially. Even if you have progressed to the point that divorce looks inevitable, you can rebuild your marriage and find the intimacy you have spent on an office spouse with your real-life spouse again.

Infidelity: Is It Always a Deal Breaker?

Can a relationship that has undergone the turmoil of infidelity ever be saved? Although many people say that a relationship where one partner has cheated can never be saved, the truth is that it IS possible to salvage nearly any relationship when the partners have the desire to mend it by changing their attitudes, behaviors and actions.


Is it ever possible to get back together with your ex after you've cheated? Many people say that cheating is the death knell in any relationship, and the relationship is too broken ever to repair. In reality, nearly every relationship is savable if both parties agree that they want to work to salvage the relationship.

But how do you even begin to salvage a relationship that has been broken by cheating? The answer is that you must restore trust in your relationship by adjusting the attitudes, behaviors and actions that led up to the affair. What made you stray in the first place? Did you feel that your sex life with your ex was lacklustre? Did you feel neglected as she focused all her attention on her career, or on your children? Did she let her personal grooming and appearance go to the point that she was just not attractive to you anymore?

You need to spend a lot of time in self-reflection to find the answers to these questions. Ultimately, there was something lacking in your relationship that led to your desire to cheat in the first place. If you had a perfect relationship, you wouldn't have strayed. But you did stray, and now if you want to repair your broken relationship, you must begin by restoring trust.

If you and your ex have agreed to try to salvage your broken relationship, restoring trust in each other is a gradual process that will not come easily. The best way to begin to restore trust in your relationship is by keeping small promises to your ex. Did you promise to call her on your lunch hour? Then follow through! Did you promise to take her to a movie after work on Friday? Then live up to your promise, even though it might be tempting to blow off the date to hang out with the guys and have a few cold ones. You need to do more than just talk about keeping your promises, you need to show her that you genuinely intend to work on repairing your relationship by taking action.

Your ex will need a lot of assurance that you have truly changed your ways. She will be paranoid that you will cheat again, and you will need to be patient with her. However, don't let her rub your nose in your indiscretion constantly. Use the affair as an opportunity for you to both grow and mature in your relationship, and rebuild a stronger relationship than before. You both need to act maturely, and make an honest and consistent effort in repairing your broken relationship to rebuild trust and love again.

A Rebound Relationship Doesn't Always Mean the End

 It may be hard to believe, but when your ex gets involved in a rebound relationship right after you break up with them, it can be a hopeful sign that all is not lost in your hope that you will get back together with your ex. Read on to learn more about the rebound phenomenon:


When anyone suddenly breaks off a relationship and quickly jumps into the next one, that is a sign that they want to be in a relationship, but do not want to see their part in the failure of the first relationship. Many people are afraid to be on their own for any length of time because they are afraid of the hard work and self-examination that comes with growing as a person. If they simply broke up with their partner and spent some time on their own, they would have to admit that they are not the "injured party"--they would soon see that they had just as many annoying traits and bad habits as their ex does!

If you are the unlucky person who is on the receiving end of watching their ex in a rebound relationship, don't despair. Take the time apart to really think about your own role in the the demise of your relationship. For instance, did you spend hours zoned out in front of your X-box instead of taking the time for conversation with your ex, or were you the kind of person who spent hours on your cell with your friends, but could never find the time to tell your ex how much they meant to you? Carefully examine yourself as to your own part in the failure of the relationship, and understand what you need to do to change and avoid this type of behavior in the future.

Watch your ex carefully at this time. He or she will probably go out with a person who is the opposite of your type, because that is exactly what he or she felt they were missing in your own relationship with them. If you are a quiet, gentle guy, she will probably be going out with a bad-boy type, because she felt that there was no excitement in your relationship. If you are a lady who dresses in an overly flashy manner, and loves to dominate every conversation, don't be surprised if he is now going out with a more conservative and quiet woman. Learn from the kind of person they are in the rebound relationship with, and adopt some of their traits as your own. Be yourself, but try to incorporate some balancing traits in your behavior. Spice it up, or tone it down to be more attractive to your ex.

Usually, it doesn't take long for your ex to see that their new partner has flaws of their own, and that the rebound relationship was a mistake. They were attracted to you for a reason, and dating someone of the opposite type can be exciting at first, but can get very grating quickly. Just don't make the mistake of pleading and begging your ex to take you back at this point, or make the case that you've really changed. Take it slowly, and apologize sincerely for any past wrongs you have committed, but do not grovel to them. Work on improving yourself during the separation, and your ex will come to realize that you've had everything they've wanted all along.

Want Him Back? Four Questions to Ask Yourself

 When have just gone through a break up, things seem hopeless to you. You can't understand what happened to cause you to break up with your boyfriend, and you are in despair. Read on to learn four essential questions you need to ask yourself to learn how to make your relationship work again:


What went wrong with your ex-boyfriend-- what caused one or both of you to leave? If you once created a great relationship, but now everything has somehow managed to go south, don't worry! Yes, it is entirely possible to win your ex-boyfriend back with the right steps and a basic understanding of how to grow your relationship again.

There are four essential questions you must ask yourself if you want to learn how go get your ex-boyfriend back:

- Is the reason you broke up even worth all the drama and attention you've been giving to it? - Is it even appropriate to argue about this reason at this point? - What would the outcome be if you won this argument, or is it more productive to forget the argument and move on? - Is this an issue worth arguing about in the first place?

If you can answer "no" to any of the above questions, you need to stop with the drama and let it go. Many relationships break up over arguments that are unproductive and unnecessary. If you both can forget trying to be the winner, trying to be right all the time in an argument you have taken the first step in rekindling your relationship. Too many times break ups occur because of frivolous arguments that really solve nothing in the long term.

The next step, and maybe the most important one, in learning how to get your ex- boyfriend back is that you need to stop constantly worrying about how you are being perceived. Instead of letting true intimacy into our relationships, we fall back on playing a role. Instead of being ourselves, we obsess about our looks, or about being too serious, or coming off as being stupid or overly intelligent. Be your authentic self, stop pretending to be someone you're not. For example, if you are a "girly girl" who loves dresses and heels, stop trying to impress him with your non-existent knowledge of carburetors. If you want a relationship that lasts, you've got to be who you are, not who you think he wants you to be.

If you are very emotional, and highly volatile at this time, you must emotionally and mentally distance yourself from your ex at this time. This may seem counter intuitive if you want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend, but when you mentally and emotionally remove yourself the tension, the stress involved with the relationship vanishes. When you are both calm and in a relaxed state of mind, you can begin to take the steps necessary to analyze what went wrong in the relationship without emotions boiling over. During this time of reflection, calming and mental distance from your ex, it's important to stay in contact and maintain positive communication, but remove volatile emotions from your conversations.

This time of distancing yourself from your ex-boyfriend creates clarity where you both can analyze the reasons for breaking up. When you have created some distance, you lose the stubbornness and over-emotional reactions that may have contributed to the break up in the first place. Now, you can sit down together and communicate a solution to your relationship problems to each other.

Patience and civility is what you must strive for. Many breakups can be undone if you and your ex- boyfriend can talk things through calmly and rationally, so this should be your primary goal if you want to rekindle the relationship with an ex-boyfriend that you care deeply for.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships at her blog Stay Together Now. Want to know more VITAL steps in winning your ex-boyfriend back? Then you owe it to yourself to check out the best dating advice site on the web! If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Having A PhD. Doesn't Make You a Relationship Expert

There are all kinds of books and e-books about relationships out on the market written by Ph.Ds. Does this mean that their advice is superior to someone who has been out in the trenches, had their heart broken a few times, lived through a break up or two, but also managed to put a relationship back together? Academics have many theories about relationships, but theories sometimes just don't apply to real-life situations. Read on for my take on what to look for in a book about relationships that has advice you can really use, not just psychobabble:


If your boyfriend has just broken up with you, you may searching for anything you can read about relationships to give you some insights on why the relationship failed. With all the various books, e-books, books-on-tape and more available on the subject of relationships, how can you choose one that really gives you what you need to know?


Don't just buy a book on relationships based on the author's academic credentials! This is a mistake! You don't want to buy a book on relationships based on whether or not the author has a PhD behind his or her name.--the PhD. might be in earthworm biology, not in the psychology of relationships. Just because someone has spent the bulk of their first four decades in the hallowed halls of academia doesn't mean that they know squat about a relationship. They may be experts on paper, but wouldn't you rather get dating and relationship advice from someone who has lived through the ups and downs of break-ups and make-ups, instead of from someone who has only read about them?

To give an analogy, if you were about to head off to war, would you rather get advice from a tough Marine who has been a career soldier, or a history professor who has studied the Battle of Gettysburg ad nauseum? I thought so.

Look for books on relationships by authors who have experienced being in a bad relationship, and worked hard to make it become a successful one, or from someone who gives solid advice to others and have helped them mend relationships. They care about helping real people in real relationships just as much, and probably more than someone who charges over a hundred-dollars an hour for their "help."

Don't settle for a book or e-book that gives you the worn-out advice of "don't respond to your ex-boyfriend's calls for the next month, and in the meantime, get yourself a sexy new hairdo." These types of books are a dime-a-dozen; you want a relationship book that will give you new information about how to revive your relationship.

For example, will the book tell you what makes men cheat? Will it give you specific advice on what to do to recover from an affair, and how to mend your broken relationship, step-by-step? Will it give you advice on how to make your opening move in getting your ex-boyfriend return your calls? Or does it just rehash old information?

You also need to check out reviews or testimonials written by people who have actually bought the book or e-book. Just because the book works fantastically well for 4'11' blondes who drive Porsches and live in Switzerland doesn't mean it will work well for you. Look for an e-book on relationships with testimonials written by people from all walks of life, from different countries, and have been in different situations that led up to their relationship problems. When you see reviews like these, you'll know that you're on to a winner. Don't buy an e-book on relationships because the author's mom says that it's a great book. Look for specific ways that the reviewer says that the book has helped them. If the reviews are a little too generic, they may be lacking in sincerity.

If you're determined to repair your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, finding e-books that really work take time and effort to locate. But if you decide that getting back with your ex-boyfriend is what you really want to do, and would make your life feel complete again, taking the time to find such a resource is worth it, wouldn't you say?
 
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Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site Stay Together Now. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Women: Can Men Ever Make Them Happy?

You have to pity men a little. To them, it seems like they can never figure out women, despite their best tries and intentions. This is because women just aren't as straight-forward and consistent as men are in their behavior--that's what makes us alluring, too! But here's a little straight-from-the-hip advice for men about women.


Men often wonder the age old question: Just how do you keep a woman happy? Here is some truly relevant advice on relationships for men that you can start using today.


Be yourself. Women aren't at all impressed with braggarts that drone on and on about how they made the winning catch in their high school football championship twenty years ago, and they don't want to hear about how many horsepower your sports car has either. They have absolutely no interest in hearing about the time you decked that other guy at the bar. Do you ever wonder why you often see a so-so looking guy with a beautiful woman? He has her because he has self-confidence and doesn't feel the need to endlessly brag about his past exploits. He takes the time to listen to her, and doesn't try to monopolize every conversation by bragging out his greatness. Listen, guys: when you have to brag a little too much, you're just not very believable and that's a big turn off.

Women appreciate when you do little things for them. Offer to take her car for an oil change or pick up her favorite candy bar when you're at the grocery store. You don't always need to go all out and break your bank account wining and dining.Over the course of a long relationship, the little things mean far more to women than "grand gestures" that are few and far between.

Do you want to really turn off your woman? Well, then make sure you take every opportunity to ogle every woman that you see. Women really don't like feeling like they need to compete with every other woman on the street just to capture your attention. When you do this, she is going to feel that you are comparing her to the other ladies, and she is coming out on the short end of the stick. Sure, men are going to look at other women--that's a natural fact. But at least be discrete when you are with your lady; don't swivel your head around like an owl.

Make her laugh. Nothing is sexier to a woman than a man who can make her laugh. Women will take a man who make her smile over the humorless-hunk type every time. Women are in relationships for the long haul. They can imagine themselves still laughing at your jokes in forty years, but when glamor-boy's looks start to fade (and they will), women can't see themselves saddled with someone who they don't find amusing.

Just because you've landed the girl, doesn't mean that you can let yourself go to seed. Women like men who bathe regularly, and maybe even put on a little cologne. Most women hate going in for a kiss only to have their face feel like it was scratched with sandpaper, so do shave. Oh, and just so you know, women like when you make an attempt to look stylish, too. If you have the same look you did in junior high, it's time for a change. She'll appreciate all your efforts in the grooming department.

Family and friends are very important to women. If you can't impress her friends and family, your relationship is headed for trouble. She needs to know that her friends and family approve of your relationship with her, so make an effort to get along with her parents, and act pleasant towards her friends, even if they are on the annoying side.

Be open to trying some new things to keep your relationship fresh. Don't automatically say "No!" every time she wants to try something like salsa dancing. When you are at the beginning of a relationship, everything is wonderful and new. If you keep the same old routine, the relationship can begin to get stale. Surprise her once in a while and treat her to a new, fun activity. Shake it up occasionally, and your relationship will reap the benefits of it.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Best Strategies to Win Your Sweetheart Back

 One of the worst things you can do after a break up is to overanalyze every little detail of what went wrong and endlessly obsessing over it. Here's how to get back on track to winning back your sweetheart, or even deciding if the relationship is worth pursuing.


Most people find themselves asking "What can I do to get my sweetheart back" following a breakup. One way to NOT get them back is to over-analyze every aspect of the relationship. Don't obsess over every little encounter, and worry about what you could have done differently. Don't start writing apology letters, sending endless text messages or bombarding your ex with phone calls if you are trying to win your ex back..

This is because there is not usually one singular reason for a break up. It is usually many small reasons over a period of time that lead to a break up. As well, you don't know at this point if there could be external factors for your break up. For instance, a friend or family member may have given your sweetheart misleading information about you. Your sweetheart's cousin's best friend may have seen you having lunch with a strange woman or man and passed this information on to your sweetheart, not realizing this "mystery person" was your sister or brother. Emotion can overrule common sense, and set the stage for a break up. Or it could even be for a petty reason such as you didn't pick up your socks despite being asked to over and over again. It could be just about anything that triggers a break up.

The first strategy to answer the question about "what can I do to get my sweetheart back" is to stop obsessing about the relationship for a while, and put your energy into something else. Go out, work on your golf swing, volunteer, make friends, have fun, network, and forget about getting into any kind of a relationship at this point, except a better one with yourself.

Give yourself a couple of months and make changes in your life. Take some time away from your ex and make gradual changes in your life. After taking some time away from you ex, you will know in your heart if rekindling the relationship is the right thing for you. Time gives clarity like nothing else can.

If you decide after some time away that you really do want to get your sweetheart back, you must use some strategy. Do not beg, do not plead, do not act needy at this time. Continue to play it cool, because you will make your ex desire you more if you're not too easily obtainable. Keep doing the activities that you've come to enjoy over the separation period, because you grow as a person because of them, and your ex will see this. Your ex will see the changes for the better in you, and rethink your relationship.

It will quickly become apparent if getting back together with your sweetheart is the right thing to do at this point. Quit over-analyzing what you can do to get your sweetheart back; take things slowly and all will be well. Trust your own intuition and judgment. Don't overanalyze the past too much, , because over analyzing will prevent you from performing the right action.When it comes to "What can I do to get my sweetheart back," take things slow and easy, and you'll come to the right decision as to your future together.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site [http://www.squidoo.com/stopbreakingstartmaking]here. As well, check out Jen's blog [http://staytogethernow.blogspot.com]Stay Together Now. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

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90% of the Time, You CAN Win Your Lover Back

 If you sincerely want your lover back after a break up, you CAN win them back, IF you take the right steps. Quit calling or texting them non-stop, and work on what made you break up in the first place. Take the following steps to win your lover back:


Have you recently experienced a break up? Are you wondering how to win your lover back? There probably isn't a person alive who hasn't experienced some kind of a break up. Most of us just give up on our relationships instead of looking for a way to win a loved one back. If you are over playing the victim, and denying your part in the break up, then there are options for you. Everyone experiences breakups, but does a break up really mean that there are no options left for you to get back together with your loved one?

If you know the steps that are necessary to win your lover back, 90% of the time it is possible to win your lover back after a break up. The first step in learning how to get an lover back is to figure out what factors caused the break up in the first place. Did you begin to neglect your loved one for silly reasons, like playing endless hours of video games, or gossiping on the phone with your girlfriends for hours? All it takes for a relationship to die is to take our loved ones for granted too often.

Relationships need to be nurtured or else they'll die on the vine. You can't change the past, but you can learn from your mistakes and grow from these experiences to have a better relationship than ever before. There might have been a single event that triggered your break up, or a series of behaviors that your loved one simply could no longer tolerate. It's up to you to figure out what was the tipping point so you never cross that threshold again. You can get your lover back, but if you want it to work long term, you really need to sit down and figure out where your relationship went wrong.

The next step in winning back your loved one is to ensure that you are not coming off as a needy, clingy person. You may feel like you cannot live without your loved one, but there is no point in moping and crying. These behaviors do nothing to help your cause. You should stay strong. Let your lover see that you are doing just fine on your own. Acting self-confident will go much farther in winning back your loved one than acting obsessed over them ever will.

Don't play the jealousy game if you are trying to win back your loved one. This could give the message to your ex that they should move on, because you already have.This is the wrong message to send if ideal scenario is to get back together. Let your partner see how strong and self-confident you are. Soon they'll begin to miss the person they fell in love with to start, especially when they see the positive changes you have made.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Could He Be Cheating On Me? 5 Signs of a Cheater

It's every woman's biggest fear--Is her boyfriend cheating on her? Here are five signs to look for if you think your boyfriend could be cheating. Forget the "He- looked- at- that- chick- at- the- party- the- other- night" silly paranoia about your man cheating: here are some real warning signs to look for.

Is your boyfriend cheating on you? He might be--look for these five tell-tale signs if you suspect he's not being faithful to you.

1) Being unavailable and showing inconsistency when he is supposed to meet you. Is he ignoring you by not returning your calls, or not making any efforts to show up when you've already agreed to meet? If so, he may be seeing someone else. As soon as you notice any changes in his pattern of contacting you, be suspicious.

2) He's changed his appearance. Has your boyfriend gone from being a slob to a preppy overnight? Has he ditched his glasses for contact lenses or had LASIK surgery recently. Or maybe he's lost a lot of weight, or become a gym rat after being a couch potato for years? Any sudden changes like these should be a warning bell that he is either seeing someone else, or thinking about it. If your boyfriend is cheating on you, he might become a fashion plate after years of not caring about his appearance.
3) He's cheated on you in the past. Unfortunately, even though many swear upon their very lives that they would never cheat on you again, the fact that they once cheated makes it more likely that they will cheat again in the future.

4) He suddenly starts getting secretive. If he previously took all his phone calls in your presence, then suddenly starts leaving the room when he gets a call, you should wonder why he needs so much privacy all of a sudden. If your boyfriend is cheating on you, changes in behavior like this one are a big tip off.

5) He begins spending a lot of money, when he's been a tightwad. Has he bought a new sports car after being happy with a beat-up pickup truck for years? Is is buying Aramis when Old Spice has been plenty good enough in the past? Is he suddenly packing to go on business trips when he is a customer-service agent in a call center? Any changes in spending or travel habits should raise the alarm.
Is your boyfriend really cheating on you? Perhaps, perhaps not. Being armed with this list will help you be prepared to face this possibility. Even cheating doesn't mean your relationship is over if you know the steps to take to win back your man.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!
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Lose the Jealousy, Get Your Man Back

Photo by EDgAr H.

Jealousy is one of the most destructive elements that a relationship can ever navigate. Here's some solid advice for young women who are battling with the demon of jealousy hanging over their relationship:


Coping with jealousy is extremely tough to overcome for many, especially for young women. Modern society has fueled the jealous tendencies of many young women with the airbrushed images that appear in magazines and films. Young women see these images of the "perfect woman" daily, and begin to think they can never measure up in their man's eyes. Skin imperfections can be erased, waists shrunk, breasts enhanced, and legs lengthened all with the click of a mouse in Photoshop. No wonder young women have feelings of inadequacy and jealousy percolating through their minds!

If the airbrushed images that appear before us daily are fantasies that don't exist in reality, is it possible that feelings of jealousy are also based in fantasy? They certainly are! All the attention on "perfect" looks have bred nothing but insecurities in young women. If their boyfriend even so much as gives a friendly smile to the checkout clerk at the grocery store, they fly into a jealous tirade without reason. Jealousy is often not so much the doubt that a partner will cheat on them as it is insecurity and doubt about a woman's own attractiveness to their partner.

So then, how can women cope with and overcome jealousy? The first way a woman can cope with jealousy is to believe in themselves. Women need to consider why their partner was attracted to them in the first place. Certainly, physical attraction plays a big part when a couple first gets together, but few stay together based on that facet of a relationship. Your partner was also attracted to other things about you, say, a good sense of humor, a kind personality, a love of video games--why it could be anything at all! Why not focus on these other good aspects of yourself and stop worrying so much about your looks, and cultivate these aspects of your personality instead?

However, having said that, the fact is that men are far more visually oriented than women. Could your feelings of inadequacy and jealousy be based on the fact that you have let yourself go now that you're in a relationship? Have you stopped dressing up for your man and reverted to wearing sloppy grey sweatpants as your daily wardrobe? Do you not take the time to style your hair attractively and put on a little makeup anymore? Just taking the time to do these little things will boost your own self confidence, and make you feel more secure when you are in the company of other women. You don't have to spend tons of money on clothes and makeup, just a little effort will make you more self confident and better about yourself.

Unless your partner has proven to be a philanderer, have some faith in them. They must want to be with you, or they wouldn't be sticking around, right? Not every man is a cheater, despite the notion that all men will cheat the moment your back is turned. If you are obsessed with the thought your man will cheat, that is paranoid thinking that will backfire on you. Your man will soon tire of your obsessive and clinging, jealous behavior and he WILL be looking for a new girlfriend. So focus on being the best you can be, making yourself an attractive person both inside and out and see if those feelings of jealousy subside. If you want a healthy, successful relationship, jealousy must go or you will have a bad break up in your future.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Ignore My Ex to Get Them Back...What!

If you're like most people, if you've realized it was a mistake to break up with your ex, you will be DESPERATE and will do ANYTHING to win them back. This is a huge mistake! If you want to win back your ex, you have to learn to IGNORE them. What! Ignore them! Yes! Here's why:



If you've broken up with your loved one, the very best thing you can do to get back together with them is to IGNORE THEM. What you say? Ignore them? Yes, if you are serious about winning back your loved one, you need to ignore them. Here's why you need to do this, if winning back your loved one is the one thing you want most.

It seems counterintuitive that ignoring someone would bring you closer to them. But, yes, there is a method in this madness. Human nature being what it is, the thing you want the most is the thing you can't have, right? For example, what is more desirable, a beat up 1987 Ford Crown Victoria with rusted out fenders or a brand new shiny BMW convertible that sells for many thousands of dollars? Of course it's the BMW! Why? It's more desirable because BMW is a more upscale brand than Ford is; it has more features than the Ford does; it's a convertible; it's brand new, etc. One of the main reasons that the BMW is a more prestigious and desirable automobile is that it is very expensive, and therefore out of the reach of the average person. Not everyone can get one. So what does all this talk about cars have to do with winning back your loved one? Simple--what we can easily get isn't very desirable, but what is out of reach for us is highly desirable and worth working towards! If you can make yourself scarce,temporarily, you are on the right road to winning back your loved one.

After a break up, if you constantly call or text your ex, you are making yourself too available and therefore not as desirable. You are not going to win back your loved one this way; you are only going to succeed in driving them away from you for good. The way to win back your loved one is by being gracious and agreeing with them that the best thing you could do right now is take a break since things are not going well. Don't argue, and be very nice about it, even if your heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. This will immediately confuse them, as they will expect you to either a) become a screaming, finger-pointing accusatory jerk or b) plead and cry and whine for them not to break up with you. Then don't even think about contacting them for a while.

After your loved one has been given a little space, they will begin to remember all the good qualities about you and begin to miss you. Remember, they must be given time to miss you, so if you begin to contact them a day or two after the break up, they will likely become hostile towards you. Only after several weeks have passed without contact should you call them and thank them. Thank them? Thank them for what, you're asking? Thank them for breaking up with you of course! Thank them for breaking up with you, because now you see the problems that you were bringing into the relationship, and now you have an opportunity to work on these faults. Thank them again for giving you this opportunity to work on your problems, because now you won't have to bring these with you into your next relationship.

If this doesn't turn their head around, nothing will! Remember, people like to be the hunter more than they like being the prey. By letting your ex have some time to think without being harassed by phone or text message, and then only contacted to thank them for breaking up with you, they will begin to want to hunt you again. Be the desirable,difficult to obtain one, not the easily obtained junk that no one in their right mind would want. That's the right way towards winning back your loved one.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For the best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site immediately help is there for you. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble by so-called experts who haven't been out on a date for twenty years!

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Don't Sit Around Waiting for Them, Invest in Yourself

When we have broken up with our boyfriend or girlfriend, our natural reaction is to sit around all remorseful and depressed. If you are sincere about getting back together with your ex, the best thing you can do is invest in yourself. The following article explains why:


If your relationship is in danger of breaking up, you need to take some time and invest in yourself. All too often, the concerns of jobs, children and aging relatives take a toll on what once was a great relationship. Even if a break up seems imminent, investing time in yourself will pay off in terms of increased well-being and self-esteem. When you think back to the beginning of your relationship, weren't you feeling good about yourself and everything around you? You can get that feeling back by taking the time to recharge.

It seems counter intuitive that taking time for yourself is just what is needed when a relationship break up is looming, but it shouldn't be. All too often, couples spend too much time together when a little break would do them the world of good. This doesn't have to be anything long-term--just a couple of hours can do wonders for rejuvenating your spirits. Pick up that novel you've been dying to read; go to the movie that your partner has no interest in either by yourself or with a friend; take a continuing education class in something that interests you; or go visit a family member that you haven't seen in a while. Lock yourself in the bath with a glass of wine and some candles; spoil yourself a little.

If you invest in yourself in terms of time and maybe even a little money (how about a great new haircut?) you will reap dividends in feeling better about yourself, and being a more interesting partner. If you never get a break from each other, how can you ever have anything interesting to say to each other? Having interests and hobbies apart from your partner helps keep your relationship fresh and interesting. If you're a sports fanatic, treat yourself to a game of golf or participate in a softball game with your friends. It's okay not to be attached at the hip with your partner.

If you want your relationship to thrive and avoid the potential of break ups, take the time you need for yourself to be invigorated and engaged. You'll be excited to share your day with your partner instead of wondering what you can talk about. It's more than okay to take some time to be alone to keep yourselves together for the long haul.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Your Ex Dating Someone Else Isn't a Death Knell for Your Relationship

One of the most common concerns for anyone who has broken up with their loved one and who would like to get back together with them is finding out that their ex is dating someone else. In this article, I discuss why this isn't necessarily a death-knell for your relationship:


Your girl or guy is already dating someone else soon after your break up, or maybe you've even caught them out with someone else before you officially break up. You probably think that this is the final sign that there is absolutely no hope for your relationship. Not so fast! Did you know that 90% of all rebound relationships fail? Usually, this is because the rebound relationship is founded solely on physical attraction, and is lacking the pillars of a good relationship. Like a house built in sand, rebound relationships soon fall apart.

When couples break up, there are usually faults on both parties sides why the relationship isn't working. Guys tend to stop paying any attention to their girls, preferring instead to "slob around" with their buddies drinking beer and playing hours of video games. What lady wouldn't get tired of that scene! Now, it's healthy for a guy to spend some time with their buddies blowing off a little steam, but when the buddies start taking priority over your lady every time, she has good reason to break up with you. You've taken her for granted, assumed that she will always be there, no matter what. Guess what? You thought wrong! You don't have to be out wining and dining your lady every night, but you do have to give her a little one-on-one attention so she feels special. Why not cook her dinner for a change or pick up some take out and treat her to that DVD she has been wanting to see? For not a lot of money or time, you have invested in your relationship and made your lady feel special. If you can't or won't take the time and effort to make your lady feel special, she'll soon find someone else who will.

Ladies, have you been playing the jealousy game with your man? You know what I'm talking about--having hissy fits if he so much as looks at another girl. This is so lame, and gets old fast for your man. Instead of railing on your man, why don't you look inside yourself and ask why you feel so insecure? Are you trying your best to get him to break up with you? Is your man really a cheater, or do you feel so bad about yourself that you view every other woman as a threat, even the 90-year-old who lives next door to your man? Get a grip on yourself and focus on what makes you a special person. You have to have confidence in yourself before you even think about being in a relationship, rebound or not! If you continue to act irrationally jealous, you will drive your man into the arms of another girl, guaranteed.

So if you have been neglecting your partner, acting jealous or petty to the point they have left and started a new relationship, does that really mean it's over? Not necessarily. As mentioned above, rebound relationships fail 90% of the time. If you can work on yourself, examining why your partner broke up with you--yes, it's really NOT all their fault, you can begin the work of rebuilding your relationship. If you're not ready to do some serious work on yourself, however, your break up might be for good.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Curiosity & Self-Interest: Keys to Getting Your Ex To Return Your Calls

There are two keys to getting your ex to call you back: curiosity and self-interest. Don't waste your time by bombarding your ex with text-after-text, or with call after call. Instead, learn how to use curiosity and self-interest in getting your ex to return your calls.



All people have two things in common. They have 1) curiosity and 2) self-interest. If you have been trying without success to have your ex return your phone calls or answer your text messages, you need to incorporate these two commonalities to get them to respond to you.

Relentless phone calls all hours of the day or night with crying, pleading or threatening messages do nothing to capture your ex's interest in returning your calls. All these tactics are likely to do is annoy them, and make them vow never to speak to you again. In fact, these tactics will only confirm to them that the reason that they broke up with you is that you are certifiably insane! Back away from the phone slowly. Immediately cease your non-stop calls. Make sure that you don't fall into the trap of "drunk dialing"--don't have a few too many drinks then call you ex up. If they had even a shred of respect for you left after breaking up with you, that is a sure way to make them lose it.

Ditto for text messages. No one wants to hear "ping!" every thirty seconds, especially if it's someone they are not keen on hearing from. Give your thumbs a break from petitioning your ex to get back together with you at this time.

Let some time pass, enough time so that your ex might even start to miss you a little. Absence truly can make the heart grow fonder. When you think that an appropriate amount of time has passed, you can then use curiosity and self-interest to get your ex to respond to you. How do you do this? It's actually pretty simple. Leave them a message like this: "Billy, I just want to thank you for what you've done for me. Please call me back so I can thank you in person." When your ex gets a message like this one, they will immediately begin to wonder what it was they did for you, and why you should be thanking them for it.

When you get them on the phone, thank them for breaking up with you. No, really! You should thank them for breaking up with you so that you could begin to see the problems in your behavior, and take steps to correct it for a future relationship. You don't need to tell them at this time that you are interested in pursuing a relationship with them; leave them guessing. It goes without saying that you really DO need to examine your own behavior to see why you broke up with your ex in the first place. There are usually faults on both sides of a relationship that need to be addressed; it's unlikely that you are totally blameless in a break up situation.

Jen Thomas writes on relationships and how to prevent breakups. For her best tips on how you can avoid breaking up or even how to get back together after a breakup, visit her site here. If you want to stay together, Jen has the answers for you--common sense stuff, no psychobabble here!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jen_A._Thomas

Welcome--How Can I Help?

Welcome to my blog, everyone!

I'm Jen A. Thomas, and I want to help you try to save your relationship. All too often, people who are really in love with each other end up breaking up over things that are not that important in the big picture. If your relationship is in trouble, I'm here to give you some advice and tips on how to save it, or even how to get back with your ex if you've already broken up. Let's get started!

Photo by Danumurthi Mahendra